Isaac James Wachter was born sleeping on April 30th, 2007. Its been four years and I still cant talk about him without crying. There are so many unanswered questions in life and I still have a big question mark when I think of Isaac and wonder why he couldnt stay with us. I dont like to question God because I know He has a plan for everyone and I truly believe Isaac was needed somewhere else. I look at Isaac's little brother and little sister and I know that they are here because of him. Isaac is their guardian angel and if he would have stayed with us on earth then Carson and Madison most likely never would have been born. I just cant even imagine my life without my 2 blessings but I still wonder everyday what Isaac would have been like today.
I wont go into all of the details of my pregnancy but it was very complicated early on. It started out as a normal pregnancy but things took a drastic turn fast. I was hospitalized twice and the second time was when our world came crashing down. My amniotic fluid was dangerously low and Isaac stopped growing. He was 2 weeks behind in development. We still dont know why and we never will. The conclusion the doctors came to was my water broke and I was leaking fluid and there wasnt enough fluid left for Isaac to continue to develop. We were faced with the hardest decison of our lives. We could induce labor or wait until he ran out of fluid all together and eventually he would have died. We held on until the last possible second before making our decision but we decided to induce labor. I remember those days so vividly. They were the most awful days of my life. What hurt the most is that our little boy was very much alive still and had a strong heartbeat. Nurses came into my room all hours of the night to check my vitals and to listen to his heartbeat. That was so awful and I cried everytime.
I was given an epidural and drugs for induction. It was a very long 2 days but finally he was born on monday morning April 30th at 10:01am. I was 20 weeks pregnant. We held him and he was beautiful and perfect. We were sent home from the hospital the same day with nothing but a teddy bear and a memory box. The next few weeks were horrid. Billy and I leaned on each other and we got through it but there were days that were just so awful that I didnt think I could ever smile again or be whole again. That all changed on December 15th 2007 when I found out I was expecting again.
Not a day goes by that I dont think of my first son. There will always be a whole in my heart for Isaac and as long as I live his memory will also live.
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